Guilt Itself
21 days of Complaint Free Living is an exercise in facing
the fear, guilt and blame of the ego and replacing these
with compassion, fearlessness and courage of the love which
is eternal, residing in our deepest well of creative
expression.
I haven’t met the goal of 21 days of complaint free livin’.
But when I do go for 5-7 days, as has happened recently, I
feel clearer and more compassionate.
I also spend much of my time in silence and when I do say
something, I give the topic at hand a more positive spin.
My challenges revolve around the current political scene
here in America. I’ve been criticizing political leaders
all of my life.
Now it’s time to let this go.
And yes critical attitudes and gossip fall into the
category of complaining.
I am studying the book written by Will Bowen called “A
Complaint Free World.”
He is a minister and when he noticed the chronic
complaining that was running rampant in his Parrish, he
came up with the idea to look at your thoughts, and before
you say a negative thing, you simply with hold saying it.
You can think it (the thought doesn’t count against you)
but saying it means you have to start all over again.
So what I’ve done is get large colored rubber bands at
Staples and put one on my wrist. When I complain, I move it
over to the other wrist.
The trick is to go 21 days without SAYING one mean,
critical, gossip-y or complaining (whining) word, and keep
the band or the bracelet of your choice, on the same wrist.
The negative thoughts can be cleared by Ho’oponopono, EFT,
The Work of Katie Byron–you name it–use what works for
you.
When I reach 21 complaint free days, I will write about it,
and explain any of the challenges standing in the path of
this success.
May I add that complaining, pity-me, whining, and the fear
that accompanies these, simply brings us more of what we
don’t want, and points to a deep-seated complex of guilt.
Guilt is based on the knee-jerk societal taught belief that
either you or the other person deserves to be punished.
This belief creates a mindset of relating to the people in
our lives or in the news as if we are all here to be judged
by one another, deciding who is wrong and who is right, who
is innocent and who is guilty.
Guilt is triggered by blame. We think we can get a person
to change her behavior by blaming them, perhaps doing so in
front of an audience, making that person feel guilty while
all at the same time, fighting to deny our own guilt.
Guilt is a game played over and over by people who refuse
to see that blame and attack is simply the warped practice
of projecting outwardly on to other people their own sense
of guilt, shame and feelings of powerlessness.
The game of guilt begins when a person perceives that
another person is attacking them or is refusing to give
them what that person THINKS she deserves. The response is
to attack back, becoming defensive, blaming the other
person, and in the attempt to make that other person feel
what ever went wrong is HER fault, taking absolutely No
responsibility for the part She played in the event.
The ego wants to win this game, and so the game continues
without any resolution UNTIL!!!–one of the people in this
fruitless battle sees that the only purpose that guilt
supports is the need to be right, which only perpetuates
more suffering.
Guilt can be seen as a game of tug-of-war. When one person
simply drops one end of the rope and refuses to play
because she no longer has the interest for this ego
exchange, the other person is alone, holding only a remnant
of a belief system that I say is the cause of all human
suffering.
Guilt and love are mutually exclusive.
If I choose to play the guilt game, love is not a player.
When I choose to open my heart to love and compassion,
guilt suddenly disappears, is no longer a factor, becoming
a fragment of a bad dream.
How can you recognize guilt when it surfaces?
1) You blame yourself for a problem or project blame onto
someone else
2) You are always apologizing
3) You worry about what other people think about you
4) You are a compulsive helper
5) You hate it when another person is angry at you
6) You routinely act as a doormat
7) You never take time for yourself
You compare yourself to others and worry that they are
better than you are
9) “Should” and “must” are everyday words
10) You can’t stand criticism
11) You are a perfectionist
12) You worry about being selfish
13) You hate to ask for help
14) You can’t take compliments gracefully
15) You worry that you will be punished for your sins
16) You can’t say “no”
CHOOSE LOVE OVER FEAR AND GUILT
At the beginning of each day, choose love over guilt, fear
and anger.
As the day progresses, you may need to recommit to love in
all of your interactions, thoughts and actions.
Say only loving and optimistic thoughts. Do not contribute
to the world’s disharmony by speaking words of anger,
criticism, complaint and separation.
This is the only way the Complaint Free Bracelet stays on
the same wrist for 21 days.
This is the only way the bad habit of complaining can
finally be broken to set you free.
This is when The Birth Of Innocence transforms your
perception forever.
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Kate Loving Shenk is a writer, healer, musician and the
creator of the e-book called “Transform Your Nursing Career
and Discover Your Calling and Destiny.” Click here to find
out how to order the e-book:
http://www.nursingcareertransformation.com Check Out Kate’s
Blog: http://www.nursehealers.typepad.com
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